Editors Note : Apologies for the delay in posting but MDL was too busy watching Strictly!

Hello again my dears,

I hope your week has been filled with success and ovations…

I’ve finally unpicked my fingers, I am at full speed typing and I can now spread my own thick sliced white with a hearty dollop of Marmite.

After being inundated with requests for advice following last week’s Saturday Night with Marcus D’Lite premier, I have decided there was far too many to get through and not leaving me enough time to respond (Editor’s Note – he had none, zilch, nada…).

However, do not despair, I shall not leave you with a gaping blog.

I shall fill this gap with more insight to my Life and how you can take inspiration to try and become half as successful as me, Marcus D’Lite.

Well this week has been a rollercoaster! Monday was a small trip to A&E for the blanket stitched fingers… whilst unpicking the thread I managed to stab my little finger with the craft knife. I know it may only seem a trivial thing but my dears your little finger is essential for acting. Not many actors realise the importance of the little finger – it asserts your status as someone posh! How? I hear you question. Simple, now this is a little trick I devised myself and you’ll be amazed at the results, the number of times directors have watched agog, chin scraping the floor as I show them and let them in on the secret… Your character is someone of high status, a judge, lawyer or the supervisor of a cash and carry and you need to let the audience know without saying a word. Simple, you take a drink and as you place the cup or schooner of sherry to your lips you stick your little finger out! I know, it’s always the obvious things isn’t it! Try it for yourselves and feel the arrogance wash through your body.

I am hopeful that the plaster will come off by Sunday and in the meantime I’ve given my agent strict instructions not to put me up for any roles that may require a soupçon of elitism. I will only undertake roles worth of Mike Leigh.

After my A&E visit – which I used to people watch and perfect my hacking cough – I was asked to play a small, but essential, part in an upcoming crime reconstruction show for television. Now, my dears, just because you have no lines to learn does not mean you are a Supporting Artist (or Extra as I like to call them).

Charlie Chaplin said nothing and yet was a global megastar.

So I embraced this role in honour of the Great Chaplin himself, I think he would have been proud. Now, the character I was playing was early 40’s (this was the greatest challenge, to play a person so distant from my own age of 37) and he was dead. Just because you are a corpse doesn’t mean you don’t have a back story. After make-up, which was horrendous as I had to share the room with 3 “extras” – I see Brexit is affecting all of us nowadays and even leads have to mingle with the great unwashed – I made my way onto set and hunted down the director to discuss the character. He was very amiable and took on board my comments about how the character, “Brian” as I named him, would probably have a look of terror frozen on his dead face and eyes wide open as he had died in mysterious circumstances and, maybe, even possibly murdered in a horrendous fashion. The director nodded and listened intently. He is one to watch out for, I could tell he was the type that let the actor decide as he simply turned to me and said “Whatever!”. It must have been on a tight budget as there was no time for rehearsals and I think they had hidden cameras as I couldn’t see one coming in for a close up as I lay on the slab, in a morgue, next to the three “extras” I’d met earlier in make-up. Well I don’t know what the others were doing wrong but after 15 takes I was asked to go back to the dressing room, apparently one of the extras was making some awful faces whilst pretending to be dead that was distracting the lead. I wasn’t distracted, as a true pro I stay in character but nonetheless I guess they wanted to keep me warm and away from the Supporting Artists (Extras).

…after 15 takes I was asked to go back to the dressing room…

The next day I had a call from my agent telling me that my scene needs to be cut, there obviously wasn’t enough time to fit it in the show.

Oh my goodness, look at the time. I need to get freshened up as I’m attending the opening night of a local Am-Dram all female production of The Full Monty – apparently they only had one male audition for it and seeing as he was 97 with a double hip replacement they thought the dancing may be too much for him. I hope they have chocolate covered raisins to munch on…

So next week my dears I will endeavour to respond to your queries.

Anon!